die young and save yourself...

cha ching...

2004-07-29T08:07:08Z

hey...i need money.

k bye.

summer...

2004-07-15T17:47:44Z

my thoughts on the summer...
1...girls suck
2...drunk guys at the beach get beat up at night
3...starting a band is harder than it used to be
4...id rather have work than free time
5...i need some new cds
6...shoes are crazy

hot day.

2004-07-08T04:58:31Z

yep...ive done the impossible...the unheard of. i pretty much slept through my entire day. i woke up pretty much only to eat a few times and shower then just fell right back asleep. i know youre all jealous now.

tired...

2004-07-07T08:12:37Z

so i guess its understood
ill push and push away
just to find myself at a tug of war with reality
something tells me this is who i am
a new numbness to cope with
sadness
sorrow
i feel comfort in using words so easily understood
maybe its just how ive wanted to feel
so easy to write about and so common
everyone knows how it feels to hate
so cliche the lines of confusion
is this who i am because of you
or is this who i am because of what theyve told me

i figured i havent written in a while.

newsflash: i still suck.

so many people around me playing good music...im jealous

im actually updating...

2004-07-05T23:57:32Z

wow im on this again. hello and yes i am still alive. just gonna make this short even though a lot of things have changed since ive been on here..no one really cares anyway.

new addictions:
nike dunks (man im so poor now)
pool (even though i still suck)

so last night was the 4th of luly...to make a long story short we were out late hanging out at the beach and some drunk dude comes up to one of my friends and starts pushing him and throws a bottle at him...needless to say it was too bad for him all of us were there and he got the stomping of a lifetime. sad to say yes me and my friends beat some guy down badly..but it was actually such a great site to see all of us protecting each other and so willing to fight for one another. we arent people who go around looking for fights, this guy came to us and we are always friendly so i hope no one thinks were a bunch of jerks...ok

i dont know what else to say. im trying to start a new band, i am strongly considering trying to get three guitarists a bass player and a drummer and have like a six piece type thing.

warped tour was pretty cool...everyone needs to suck on My Chemical Romance's nuts cause their new cd is the shit.

thanks...

2004-05-10T19:14:54Z

just as my life takes another turn for the worse (of course when i thought it couldnt get any worse) i sit here just to tell whoever is responsible for controlling what happens to peoples fucked up lives...THANKS!!!

maybe its my own fault, maybe its yours, or maybe its some supreme being out there that people like to hang pictures up of or make movies for but damn...would you lay off once in a while? maybe take a vacation?

i know im making it all sound like a joke...but seriously. things are fucked up and im confused as hell as to what to do, i know whoever reads this is like :if i dont know what your problem is how can i help you?" well the truth is i wish there was a way to fix the things i have to go through but i guess its just one of those things where it has happened and now there is no turning back or pointing fingers.

youve taken everything from me
my life, my smile, and my soul
ive become some made for tv movie with bad actors
i know theyve taken reality tv too far but this is torture
im still waiting for someone to say it was all a joke
someone to show me the hidden cameras
but this story is taking too long
cut to the chase and get to the happy ending
wait...what do you mean?
there is a happy ending right?
right?...

what its all about...

2004-05-08T09:52:19Z

SUBSTANCE...we all need it in life and lately i haven't been feeling much of it. i hope im using the right word cause that would be embarassing, nevermind...it wouldnt be so embarassing cause no one reads this thing anyway.

well yeah...im empty...just another conforming zombie walking the school campus just to head to my dead end job to earn a buck in an economy and society that i feed my hard work into in exchange for something MADE IN CHINA or in some other place where some kid is working his ass off just to someday make it here just to realize he is nothing but another statistic.

what to do? beats me. im tired as hell.

EMPTY
EMPTY
EMPTY

my thoughts on tonight.

2004-03-19T09:34:54Z

well tonight...was interesting. i lost it, my first time ever to lose my temper that badly. i feel like an idiot because i let you get the best of me. there are only a few things that someone can say that will tip me off and you of all people had the nerve to say something like that to me. regardless of what happens with this, whether its for the best or not, i am not the same person. im not saying im changing every aspect of my life or anything like that, but i definitely will always have something in the back of my mind that tells me that no matter how hard you try to take care of someone, in the end it is still overlooked and will never be appreciated the way it deserves to be. im not perfect. i never will be. i tried, and thats all i can say. so tonight, i have a whole new outlook on life...live it for yourself, even the people you think care, dont care in the end.

again i rant.

2004-03-12T06:27:07Z

im lost...so confused. ive really been trying way to hard to create a future for myself...but why? ive been trying to do it for other people, make them proud, make them happy, for whatever reason ive gotten myself into a weird period in my life. im doing everything that i never wanted to do. ive been trying to work, go to school, take care of my girlfriend, and just think about money. i have never been like that, ive always been pretty anti-conformity and mr. i dont wanna do things that i dont wanna do...go out and have fun and spend as much fucking money as you can. but now, im so different. i really dont understand this, nothing i do is ever good enough, and im not trying to be some whiny little boy that things he doesnt get any credit or whatever...im not asking for credit or recognition...just some freakin bones thrown my way...i work hard to please everyone and what do i get? i dont ask for much man...honestly, i just ask to be treated with care, the kind i give you. i dunno, whatever...in the end everyone dies alone. im no different from the rest, and youre definitely no different from the rest.

im back again...

2004-03-03T23:23:13Z

hey well i dont know if anyone ever still reads this or read it in the first place but im back from my league of absence i guess. well not much has changed, actually a lot has changed, but i dont really wanna type all that mama drama on this thing. dan, andrew, and i have sort of started a new band project thingie that currently has no name and not a complete lineup as of yet, but we have started jamming out and i REALLY need to get back into the flow of things. Hopefully we get more settled into practicing once we have more time to play and shit so we can actually start playing some shit. but as of now, im pre-occupied with school and so are andrew and dan. dan also has a band that he is playing in that actually does something and is heading down to so cal this weekend to play a few shows. i think his bands website is oshiya.com...he will probably yell at me if thats wrong but haha oh well.

on a side note: jealous lesbians really suck...people end up without homes when you bitches open your mouths. sorry to any cool lesbians i may have offended, theres always a few bad apples in every group.

everyone defend howard stern...down with clear channel...actually, down with the damn conservative little pricks that think they know whats good for people.

failure...

2004-01-31T18:38:48Z

i dunno. i feel like im just dumb for some reason. i think i just make bad money decisions and i dont have too much of a financial future. i need money and i need it soon...my job just isnt cutting it so im trying to look for a new one. oh and the apple commercial that you guys didnt know about...was cancelled. but who knows, i might be in another thing in the media cause i joined a talent agency to try and make some extra money.

were trying out playing again...we'll see

what to think?

2004-01-26T08:28:39Z

i honestly dont know what to think anymore? is everything some personal attack towards you? how can it be so hard to believe that you arent in my way and if i had a problem with you, youd be the first to know? im pretty sure youll read this and take what you want from it and we're sure to have another "talk". TRUST ME?!?! is it really that hard? am i asking for too much? i am not scared to speak and when we talk i hold nothing back so why would you ever assume that im not telling you something? what should i think about this whole situation were in? im so tired of the long nights and frustrating talks that ultimately lead us back into a circle...you think the world is against you. whats the point if you cant even trust me?

i am such a sucker...

2004-01-25T09:46:32Z

hey what is up gangstas!!

so im bored out of my mind, which means my mind wont just leave me alone and let me go to sleep. i need money, or a better paying job. something has really been bugging me for the past few days and i dont really know what it is, i honestly think im just being some little girl like always (no offense to the ladies). but i guess ive just been wondering what im supposed to be doing with my life, i feel dead empty and boring. you think you have no life? hmm..i know people have it worse than i do but i have just been feeling like i dont really do anything anymore. dont get me wrong, i love hanging out with my girlfriend and ive got great friends and on top of all that my classes arent exactly giving me all the spare time in the world. but i feel somewhat like a lifeless robot with a daily routine. thats weird to say cause just a few months ago i was begging for a job and yadda yadda so i could become a robot with a routine. i guess this ties in to my conversation with kim, we came to the conclusion that...WE ARE ALL UNSATISFIED LITTLE BITCHES...

haha someone suggested i be a man whore...i would probably end up making less than i already do so X that idea...

im a loser...but i get to be in a...umm...ill tell you later

01-14-04...what a day

2004-01-16T21:24:44Z

first off, i wanna thank my buddy nick for basically saving my life and spotting a truck that surely would have put me away for a while...so basically some bitch runs a red light nick sees it and i get out of the way enough to not die but my car still looks not pretty anymore. fuck it...that bitch is gonna pay.

then something amazingly funny happened but i wont talk about it just yet because i dont want to jinx it...but lets just say you may be seeing yours truly and a select few of others in your local apple store!!!

new years project...

2003-12-30T22:59:02Z

my new years resolutions:

-read more (magazines, books, whatever...just take the time to read
-stop talking shit (i think i do to much)
-start a new band (and play good shit)
-keep the promise to the j-pop

i doubt ill keep all of these...but hey thats what new years resolutions are all about anyway.

hopefully ill be partying in davis with the homies and all so everyone have a safe and happy new years...in the words of sammy fabilla:

"dont drink and drive, sip and cruise....im hella gay and love ryan"

haha ok...not the last part

merry christmas and happy holidays fucker...

2003-12-26T02:50:47Z

hmm...was christmas this year special?
you bet it was...

-a death in the family
-i have a 4am shift tomorrow..fun?
-nothing i hoped to get on christmas
-my girlfriend is "depressed"
-so much effort this holiday with nothing to show
-im whining on christmas in my lj

...forget me? nice to know you care so much...god knows ive tried so hard just to make you smile...i dont ask for much, but oh well i guess thats just the way it goes.

i wrote a song for my girlfriend that dan evan and i recorded an acoustic version of so thanks to those guys for staying up late so i could give it to my girlfriend who says she likes it...ask dan if you want it...here are the lyrics:

i still remember our first february date. how we stayed up all night just talking in a parking lot. even though it was too dark to see the stars through the moonroof of my car i guess i still got my wish cause youre here with me.

through every season i will be here to keep you warm when the weather is just too much. im your shade from the sun burning your skin. your protection through every season.

at last the time has come. this year is coming to a close and no matter what the next one brings just your presence alone will get me...

through every season...

and yadda yadda you get the point...night all cause i get the good ol treat of working at 4 am after christmas day.

random ramblings...

2003-12-11T08:40:06Z

bah hum bug...im tired...

i need a band! i feel like theres too much time on my hands...i even thought of band names!! loser...
reconstructing the romance
the final reconstruction
steps taken lightly
the distance before time

i forgot what else there was...heh i guess i like the word reconstructing...but yeah im bored and tired so thats what happens...

the eagles clinched a playoff spot so haha to everyone who thought they would suck this year!

nothin new...

2003-12-02T07:08:00Z

theres nothing new except that i heard the crappy news that one of my favorite local bands broke up...wasting time is no more.

ive decided to find a whole new band rather than try and fix things in almost home...so yeah, if anyone wants to play and seriously be in a band, let me know!

it was the girlfriends birthday yesterday...so happy birthday j-pop!!

hallo hallo

2003-11-25T05:56:02Z

well i havent written in a while. so whats new?

1. dan and evan arent in the band anymore (check the site for more info)
2. were trying to work with kevin to keep almost home going
3. we still need a bass player and i think a drummer
4. i need a new hairstyle
5. i need money

i think thats about it...oh wait

to those of you who want an acoustic demo thingie sorry i havent sent it out...im a slacker, but i promise i will send it to you one way or another...sorry!

christmas shopping looks to be fun...this time of year makes me feel pretty good...although my wallet is getting abused

stupid ebay...addicting as hell

the gilroy gaslighter...

2003-11-10T19:32:40Z

new best friend plays...they did really good. stuck in tomorrow plays...they gave it their all. then plas for revenge plays...they blow the fucking roof off the place, and suddenly I feel like this show might not be such a good idea...why you say? first off, our drummer is not really our drummer and he learned the songs in just a matter of hours, my voice is fucking gone and i can hardly talk...much less sing, and damn...we should not be in this spot of the lineup...right before wasting time too. but lets see..wow is all i can say...we pulled a big suprise and i think that we did as best we could. as soon as the first of our short 5 song set list starts something comes over me and i just lose it for the next few minutes...so do my band members, i look around and evan is getting crazy, nick is handling his business, and dan is ripping it up as usual...darryl (a failed attempts drummer) did an awesome job. all i can say is thats what its all about, hell no it wasnt anywhere near flawless, but did we leave a lasting impression on these people? i think so, we didnt crumble under pressure and i feel like if we give everything, no one can ask for more...so yeah...i think that was our best show to date...props to the band...but lets practice, so we improve and not suck more.

its been a while...

2003-10-28T23:51:44Z

hmm...sleep? nah i just take naps inbetween work, school, and pretty much thats it...i miss doing nothing all day with the guys or hangin with the girlfriend...

oh yeah the band err..almost all of the band...we are recording a 2 song demo of two acoustic versions of our songs...its being recorded in my garage so if anyone hears it, dont excpect good quality...but yeah, the one song we have done actually sounds good and i do like it, stay tuned and if you like when we actually get it done, ill be sure to get you one...

in case you were confused...yes, our first EP is still not in our possession and its weird that our second recording will almost surely come out before our first...but its all good, free shit so we cant complain..congrats to dj dan on the baby

take a step back...

2003-10-20T01:20:51Z

wow...last nights show was terrible...but yeah oh well im over it, a bad show is a bad show, nothing to blame except were unprepared and yadda yadda yadda...we'll bounce back...the new songs should be fun.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULIUS!! man this guy is tight...hes like one of my best friends and one of the most down to earth and funniest guys ive ever met. a true friend..always there to help out. when this girl janice (bitch) fucked me over julius came to my house by himself (he doesnt usually do that) and brought me big ass rice krispy treat (my favorite and his too) that he made so I would feel better...thanks man. and when this girl desiree (also a bitch) broke my heart i went straight to his house and he was real cool about things and by the end of the night i was myself again, well at least until i got home and cried myself to sleep...hahaha jk...well i wish i was kidding...

tonight im gonna go see SAOSIN...bad ass band...hopefully i get their cd and a shirt or somehting..

well what can i say...

2003-10-14T06:12:54Z

i think im getting to be an old man...shit is getting to me, im stressed out and sleep deprived...had some long talks with a couple of people this week...and they all basically understand where im coming from with my problems and well it always helps to hear input from other people about everything thats on our minds.

basically people need to learn how to trust those that are close and mean something to them...prioritize...whats more important to you? a silly fight? your pride? what have you got to lose when you trust someone who you know you can trust? i know that you think this post is all about you and that im attacking you...but believe me buddy you are definitely not the only person that is close to me that his this problem although i doubt you will believe me and in a night or two i will hear "i saw that you wrote about me in your livejournal"...not everything in this world revolves around you (although you do mean everything to me)...i do have other people in mind when i say these things.

sleep well everyone...cause i know im not.

just a thought...

2003-10-09T05:31:23Z

for some reason i remembered something today, i woke up from a dream...well it was more like a flashback than a dream. it came back to me...that day i found out my ex girlfriend had truly moved on. how it felt being excited to suprise her at her ballet recital and then realizing that there was someone there for her...for some odd reason i knew as soon as i stepped into the room, so weird now that i think of it..how did i know that? i really dont like her anymore and its come to a point where i dont care if shes happy or not...that bitch hurt me in the worst possible way. but man...i remember her coming up to me and before she could say more than sentence i said "i know, its cool" and i smiled and walked out of that room as fast as i could. sitting in my car in that parking lot was probably the worst few minutes of my life..i stayed there until all the cars left. why the fuck did i go by myself?! i never go anywhere by myself?! but yet i decided this was the best thing to do...shit, i dont even wanna think about this anymore.

well on a better note...the early november cd will kick your ass so go buy it!!

money money money...

2003-10-07T06:24:06Z

well today i had two job interviews at best buy today and i actually got offered a job..of couse i accepted it and tomorrow morning i have to take a drug test, hopefully i pass that...i think ive been clean for long enough.

oh and...people dont like my singing...big surprise...if you dont like it, come tell me and ill be glad to share a conversation with you about it...but hey im not perfect and i doubt that you are so yeah, im working on it...to anyone who actually supports me, thanks for knowing what music is all about and giving me a chance...suck a dick the rest of you